As you may have guessed from the title, AF (Aunt Flow) has
arrived. It arrived on Thursday, 12th December. I wanted to write
this the day it showed but I was too upset and luckily distracted by my amazing
hubby, but I’ll get to that later.
Going by my first positive OPK (ovulation test) AF was due
on Tuesday 10th December, so when it didn’t show I was sure I was
pregnant. I was feeling a little crampy for a few days but figured maybe it was
the “pulling pains” that many women describe during early pregnancy. On
Thursday morning I was feeling stronger cramps but tried my best to ignore them
and when I got out of bed and saw that AF still wasn’t here I decided to go and
purchase a “proper” pregnancy test (as opposed to the internet cheapies I
normally use). I rushed home and took the test and sat there analizing it until
the maximum time was reached, but of course it was a BFN (Big Fat Negative). I
still had some hope as I know quite a few women that don’t get a positive urine
test until 1 or even 2 weeks after their missed period. By lunch time I couldn’t
ignore the cramps anymore as they became quite severe so I decided to go to the
bathroom and sure enough AF had arrived, and without even thinking I literally
yelled out “F**k!”. I got myself organised and went outside and told Jamie and
then proceeded to have a little teary but I wasn’t as upset as I expected to be
(well not yet anyway). I was more frustrated than anything. An hour or so later
Hubby decided to try and cheer me up so he suggested we set up the Christmas lights
outside (something I had really been looking forward to as I had never done it
before, I lived out of town for my whole childhood), and I literally burst into
tears and I wasn’t just crying normally, I was doing the whole can’t catch your
breath, howling sort of crying, on our front porch (attractive I know). So once
I got my sh*t together my amazing, caring and loving husband took me downtown
and we bought a ridiuckous amount of Christmas decorations and we spent the
whole afternoon as well as most of the night setting them up. Needless to say
the house looks amazing and I felt much better.
We have made the decision (amidst my blubbering on the front
porch) that this cycle we are taking a break from “actively” trying. What this
means is we will not be using any OPKs nor will I be noting my symptoms down on
Fertility Friend. We will not be “timing” sex and having it because we “have to”
regardless of how tired we are. We won’t be preventing at all, but basically
this month is going to be all about us rather than trying to make a mini us. I
don’t want to end up feeling like sex is a chore for either of us, which is why
we are just going to go with the flow and hopefully RELAX!! To be honest, I
feel less stressed and far happier already knowing I’m not going to have to
track my CM and remember what cycle day I’m on, and what days we “have” to have
sex so we don’t miss our “fertile window”. Another reason why we have decided
to calm the F down as my Husband would call it, is because I really don’t want
to be stressed out about baby making during Christmas and New Years. As you
would know if you’ve read my previous blogs, the whole TTC thing tends to
absorb us and its all I think about and I don’t want to be wondering whether I’m
going to fall pregnant this cycle or not during Christmas day or telling Jamie
he can’t drink too much on New Years because it might affect his swimmers. We
want to start the New Year completely fresh and be emotionally and physically
ready for the infertility journey that is ahead of us.
Next week I plan on going to the Doctor and organising to
have my 21 day bloods done (which tests your hormone levels and can determine
whether you’re ovulating or not) as well as getting a referral to my
gynaecologist. We are planning to start a fertility drug called Femara
(letrozole) in January, so we will be receiving fertility treatment in 2014. I
honestly never thought that at 21 years old I would be starting fertility
treatment just to have a baby, something that most people do naturally. But
that is just the way things have to be and being negative about it won’t help
anyone. So I am trying my best to have a positive outlook about the whole thing
and not focus on the fact that I feel less of a woman because I can’t conceive
a baby naturally and have to have fertility treatment at 21 years old, and
focus on the fact that this may give us the baby we so desperately want.
Thanks for all of your support!
Much love & Rainbows,
Kimberly Xoxox
No comments:
Post a Comment