Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful day
spent with family and friends, filled with love, laughter and lots of food.
Our Christmas was very different this year, well for me
anyway. My family always does a huge Christmas and ever since I was born I’ve
only ever had Christmas with my family. It has always consisted of breakfast
with the whole family at Mum & Dad’s (or my Grandparents house) then we
open presents, have morning tea, then a big roast lunch with Bon Bons and the
telling of stupid jokes (Why did the man get fired from the orange juice
factory? Because he couldn’t concentrate.) and a Christmas pudding dessert. The
afternoons have varied over the years, some would consist of having a nap or
playing with presents and some (the most recent ones) have seen us go back to
our own houses and have a rest or go to my brother & sister-in-law’s place.
This year was different because this is the only Christmas (except one year
where my brother threw a tantrum and decided to have Christmas by himself
playing Xbox, he was 18 or 19, it was a short lived phase) where my brother hasn’t
been there. This year is also different because we now have a baby in the
family. Slater (or fondly known as Buddha Man) was born in April this year and
this was his first Christmas. Now because Scott and Serena spent Christmas with
us last year, it was only fair for them to spend Christmas with Serena’s family
this year. It’s safe to say we definitely missed them and Jamie and I really didn’t
know what to do with ourselves, nor did Dad. Normally all the “grown-ups” spend
time together talking while us “kids” and Dad play card games or do stupid
things or tell silly stories. This year Jamie and I found ourselves playing
with the giant bubble-blower we bought from Woolworths for $1, on the veranda
for 20 minutes before Dad came out and joined us (he sat there, watched and
told us how sad we were for being amused by bubbles at our age, funnily enough
he seemed to be entertained by it for 15 minutes or so before it got too hot). Don’t
get me wrong, we had a lovely Christmas morning, but it was definitely a big
change from the usual for us.
The other thing that is different this year is that Grandad isn’t
as well as he used to be. He has Parkinson’s disease which unfortunately has gotten
much worse recently to the point where he is a bit hunched over to one side and
can’t really move around much. He is still the same Grandad we all know and
love but just not as active. It’s extremely difficult to watch someone you love
struggling. I think the fact that he has been the only Grandad I’ve ever known,
and has always been such a wonderful Grandparent to Scott and I and also now
Jamie and Serena, it makes it that extra bit harder. My grandparents live about
4 hours away from us in a remote town so we don’t see them very often (usually
twice a year on average) and its becoming clear to me that we need to make the
effort to go and visit them more, seeing as they can’t come down and see us
whenever they like (neither of them can drive long distance anymore). I am
going to make it one of my new year’s resolutions to go and see them more. I
suppose the reason we don’t go and visit is because it can be a bit boring as
there isn’t much to do where they live. I think if we can organise for Scott, Serena
& Buddha to come with us it will be better and also a far less tiring
drive.
We decided to go out to the farm today to see my
Grandparents again before they leave tomorrow and I got to have a chat with
just my grandparents, no one else. This is something that is of rare occurrence
as there are always so many people around, the last time I sat down with just
my grandparents and chatted would have been when I was 18 and visited them on
my way through to Blackwater.
One of the reasons I love my Grandad is because he always
seems to have some advice that no one has told me before. We were discussing
the fact that Jamie and I are going to be doing fertility treatment in January
and all of the options we have. I was saying that I’m nervous about taking new
medication after what I have heard from others and also read online about the side
effects of a drug called Clomid and that I am hoping to go onto Femara as it
seems to be easier to take. After telling my grandparents about how Clomid
increases your chances of uterine cancer as well as increases your risk for
miscarriage and that it can also cause OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation
Syndrome) which can make you very sick or even kill you, a side effect that can
also come from Femara, my Grandad piped up and said “One thing you have to
remember with new medication is that they wouldn’t keep giving it to people if
it was going to kill you.” This piece of advice may seem very small and obvious
but it honestly wasn’t something that I had thought about before. It really
made me think about everything and about how right he is. Regardless of all of
the side effects, so many women still use Clomid and lots of those women go
onto have healthy babies, as do those using Femara. It may not be a very nice
process, having to use fertility medication, and it definitely still doesn’t feel
“fair” that we have to use medication to get pregnant; however we are lucky
that we have options. Back in my Grandparents’ day, they didn’t have all of the
options that we do now. Back then, if you were “barren” then that was it,
tough, no babies for you. That one comment has given me a whole new perspective
on the process and I am feeling far less frightened about going onto medication
now. My grandfather is on a cocktail of medication, I assume some for his Parkinson’s,
some for his diabetes and some for his blood pressure and he never complains.
He is one of the most relaxed people I know when it comes to the medical side
of things. Today we were also discussing my fear (and also my grandmother’s) of
going to the dentist and Grandad reminded me that he actually falls asleep while
getting a tooth pulled or getting a filling. He falls asleep!! How crazy is
that! Something that frightens the sh*t out of me, puts my Grandad to sleep.
Today I am feeling extremely grateful to have been lucky
enough to spend another Christmas with my grandparents. They are honestly the
best Grandparents anyone could ever ask for.
I also learned how similar I am to my Grannie over the past
few days. As most of you now know, I have pretty bad anxiety and I learnt that
my grandmother also suffers with it too. I always knew she was a worrier and
she has to take something similar to Valium to go the dentist, but I never
realised that she also suffers panic attacks. While we were talking about how
one of our good friends mentioned to me recently that I am the worst he’s ever
seen me (anxiety wise) Grannie mentioned that she also gets nervous from the
same things that I do and I asked how she deals with it and she said “You just
have to grit your teeth and get through it don’t you” which is so true. I absolutely
adore my Grannie, and so does everyone else that meets her. She would do
absolutely anything for the people she loves, and she would do almost anything
for a stranger in need too. My Grannie has the most energy I have ever seen in
such a little person, she is a bit shorter than me and weighs about the same as
I do and she is so active. We were comparing our biceps (as you do) and hers
are literally almost double the size of mine!! That’s just from doing everyday
things around the house and in the garden. My Grandmother is honestly one of
the most amazing and inspiring people I have ever known and she does so much
for Grandad and never ever complains. She is the most beautiful woman I know
(aside from my mother of course) inside and out. If I end up being half as
amazing as she is by the time I’m her age I’ll be happy, I want to grow up and
be just like her.
Anyway, we spent Breakfast and Lunch at my parents place and
then went to Jamie’s Mum’s house afterwards. We opened presents and then
everyone (except me because I was being a sook) got out water guns and drenched
each other, even inside the house!! Very different to my family, definitely not
something they would do, even outside. We spent a few hours there and then came
home and crashed. It’s safe to say we were both absolutely exhausted.
All in all we had a wonderful Christmas, even if it was very
different to what I am used to.
I have to say though, I did have the thought cross my mind that
if those chemical pregnancies last year hadn’t been “chemical” and had turned
into a healthy pregnancy, that we would have had a baby this Christmas, so it
was a little bitter sweet for me. But the idea that (hopefully) we might actually
have a baby and be parents next Christmas is amazing! Just the thought of it
makes both Jamie and I giddy with excitement. After the advice I have received from
my very wise Grandparents, I am going to do my best to try and look at the
journey we are planning to go on next year as a positive one, and to be
grateful that we even have the options for Fertility treatment. I am now
looking forward to my appointment in January and looking at the whole thing
with a brand new (positive) perspective.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and got a well
deserved break! Merry Christmas!
As always,
Much Love & Rainbows,
Kimberly Xxox
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